• strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/mjid3fbcfbud/public_html/modules/views/views.module on line 879.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_argument::init() should be compatible with views_handler::init(&$view, $options) in /home/mjid3fbcfbud/public_html/modules/views/handlers/ on line 0.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter::options_validate() should be compatible with views_handler::options_validate($form, &$form_state) in /home/mjid3fbcfbud/public_html/modules/views/handlers/ on line 0.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter::options_submit() should be compatible with views_handler::options_submit($form, &$form_state) in /home/mjid3fbcfbud/public_html/modules/views/handlers/ on line 0.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter_boolean_operator::value_validate() should be compatible with views_handler_filter::value_validate($form, &$form_state) in /home/mjid3fbcfbud/public_html/modules/views/handlers/ on line 0.

Day # 31 - One Month Anniversary - Joe Piccirillo

Monday, January 31, 2011

I am writing this in a bar (Kitty O’Shea’s) in Chicago.  At the table next to me sits a woman and her 7 year-old son, Mark.  Mark has a signature move – throwing bread at people as if they were seagulls.  It’s adorable to everyone in the bar except for me and the busboy – Mark’s primary target – especially after he overheard a request from the mother for a new loaf of bread.

It's been a month since I left my job in search of something (I think is) better.  The good news is that it's not in Cleveland -- I can cross that off the list.  Sometimes, people will send me emails asking to hear more about what happens behind the scenes.  Just like their support for the trip, either they mean it or they don't.

The road has been good to us. I've figured out how to set up my equipment on stage without too much of a delay, when to call bookers to land shows at good clubs and what jokes will work in certain areas of the country.  We've avoided federal prosecution after an incident at the post office and have been greeted in every city by a blizzard.  We’ve established a routine.  Sometimes, though, when I wake up disoriented in a new hotel room or when we're all in the car silently watching a sunset as we drive through some desolate part of the country, I'll think of my ex and all of our secret moments and wonder what the hell I'm doing.  I’m sure Pete and Torio are experiencing something similar. 

And then, something will happen – I’ll hit a pedestrian or someone on the radio will talk about the unrest in Egypt – and we’ll laugh again. 

I like to drink with strangers -- audience members, comics, locals, even hotel groundskeepers -- because they're always polite and eager to share their stories without a fear of judgment.  They're foolish because I do judge them and it's awkward when I laugh at their dreams. Still, it's freeing to spend time with people for a brief amount of time; you can say or do whatever you want without having to worry about apologizing for your actions.

I must go.  I have to craft my latest missive about Rosie O’Donnell (and Mark just received his loaf of bread), but I will keep you posted.



P.S. Happy one-month anniversary, readers.  I didn't get you anything.



Day # 28 -- New DVD Reviews by Joe Piccirillo

Friday, January 28, 2011

Jackass 3-D: 0 out of 7 Golden Slacks

Plot Synopsis(from (none)

Joe's Take: When the staff at cannot publish a plot synopsis for a movie it means one of two things: either the movie is so beautiful, it transcends language or the movie is Jackass 3-D, a film that has the honor of falling under the umbrella of IMDB keyword category "Covered in Feces."

I spent a good chunk of time pondering the need for such a category -- what sort of person searches for movies based on its inclusion of feces-covering? Turns out, it joins the ranks of other movies showcasing feces including Trainspotting and Slumdog Millionaire. Mind you, these are listed as the BEST covered-in-feces movies, which obviously means that countless other, lesser films are left out. Slumdog received over 172,000 votes. Is this for the movie or its feces coverage? The site doesn't say.

Anyway, this is the sort of film I wish had advertisements based on moviegoers' experiences. "Best date movie ever!" someone would exclaim as they elbowed their date or nearby pedestrians in the ribs. If any value can be derived from the film, it's that it makes America's Funniest Home Videos seem delightfully restrained in their showing of groin-kicking footage.

Unexpected Scene: Cameo appearances by Supreme Court Justices Sonia Sotomayer and Elena Kagan who engage in a mud wrestling battle with Steve-O and Knoxville. After losing, Kagan decrees that the match be stricken from the record.

Conviction - -8,000 out of 7 Golden Slacks

Synopsis (from A working mother puts herself through law school in an effort to represent her brother, who has been wrongfully convicted of murder and has exhausted his chances to appeal his conviction through public defenders.

Joe's Take: Swank is becoming the new Glenn Close: an asexual man/woman who fights for something that no one but she really cares about. I don't want to talk about that, though -- I want to talk about the title. There is nothing, except for movies that don't include feces-covering, that angers me more than faux-intelligent screenwriters who create titles with double meanings. Instead of providing a review of the film, I want to propose other "intelligent" movies with titles that have double meanings.

Offensive Line:

Frank (Craig T. Nelson), a former linebacker for the Jets turned Miss America Pageant host, develops a fatal case of Tourette's syndrome hours before the telecast. Can he overcome his disorder in time for his presentation to the Girl Scouts of America? Will his disorder affect his dinner with the CEO and his Christian wife? Will he be covered with Gatorade (or feces!) after making it through the show? Only time will tell.

Pregnant Pause:

Allison (Camryn Manheim) can't catch a break: she lost her job as a fitness instructor, her boyfriend left her, and she just found out that she can't have children. But then, after her cable goes out, a friendly repair man (Ernest Borgnine) gives her a magical remote control filled with his semen. When Allison accidentally eats the remote control during a late night binge, she wakes up pregnant and with the ability to stop time -- each time she belches, it hits the pause button on the remote. Will Allison be able to care for her new child? Can she fend off the terrorists vying for her magical remote? You don't want to miss a minute of this hilarious musical comedy that IMDB calls one of the best covered in feces movies of the year!

You're Out!

Steve Simmons (Gary Busey) is one of the toughest umpires in baseball. That is, until a newspaper photographer snaps photos of him coming out of a gay bar. Is Steve gay or at the bar for another hilarious reason? This comedy from the people that brought you Schindler's List might throw you a few curve balls! Starring Betty White as Steve's best friend and sassy head umpire.

Unexpected Scene: After Swank's character wins the court case, a bailiff dumps her into a barrel filled with feces.

A Moment with Torio (The Intern)

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Note: Even though our intern Torio hasn't been prominently featured on the site or in the videos, he's an integral part of this trip. What follows is the first entry in a new blog series: A Moment with Torio.  Look for it every Thursday.  Feel free to send him emails at -- Joe

A lot of people have been asking me, “Torio, what’s it like to be working for the Conan or Bust Tour?”  Well, in order to answer this question best, I must paint a mental image in your head.  First, close your eyes.  How long did it take before you realized you couldn’t keep reading with your eyes closed?  Awesome.  The truth is, working for the CoB Tour has been great.  I could talk to you about the luxurious thirty-dollar hotels, the game of real life Tetris I get to play when trying to fit our luggage and equipment into the car, or my newfound interest in the art of walking around with wet socks.  But those are my treats, and I don’t want to share.  I barely even know you.

Instead, let’s discuss something much more interesting: Top Ramen.  I’m kidding, that would be a terrible blog topic.  Although, don’t think I’m not keeping my eye on ramen prices.  It’s like the poor man's stock market.  Thirty-six cents per package?  No way.  But, when I see nineteen cents for the shrimp flavor?  BUY BUY BUY. 

Pressing on, let’s discuss the trip.  It can be a battle remembering to have fun between the long hours of filming and hating my hotel room.  But when I get the chance to take a moment to think about what we’re actually doing, I know it’s something worthwhile.  Driving home, from a show last night, Joe said something to the effect of in this moment we’re having some serious fun, even if we don’t realize it most of the time.  And he’s right, getting the chance to hit the road and go for it, is pretty badass.  Then he pointed to one of the ugliest skies I’ve ever seen and said, “Look at that sky, it’s beautiful.”  And I thought to myself, oh no, am I soaking in wisdom from a drunk guy?  This is like when dad taught me how to drive all over again. 

I hope nothing I’ve said has promoted the idea of living in the present moment.  Dwelling in the past or looking forward to the future is way better.  Like when I look to the past I think fondly of an awesome burrito I had a few days ago. Or when I look to the future, I imagine how fantastically delicious the next burrito I have will be.  But here I am, living in the moment, in my cold damp hotel room... burritoless.   

Syndicate content