Pete’s Note to Andy Richter:

Dear Andy,

There is no way you’re going to remember this, but I’ve actually met you before. It was about a year ago in an elevator at the Roxbury medical building and it was right after I had taken my son to see his pediatrician. It’s funny, right when you were getting on the elevator, I remember telling my son that we had to go to the drug store to pick up his prescription for blarithromycin. You chimed in and said, “Ear infection, huh?”

My son was silent during that elevator ride. I don’t think he recognized you since he spends most of his time watching animated movies. But, after you and I talked for a bit and made it down to the parking garage he finally mustered up the courage to say “bye.”

Sometimes I wonder why that elevator ride didn’t happen after Joe and I had decided to take this trip.  It would have at least made for better conversation.  In my mind, I would have slipped you a business card, you would be overjoyed, and then I would call Joe and tell him the trip was off.  We had done it.  My wife would be so proud.

So Andy, on the off chance you’re reading this, the time has come for me to ask for help from everyone I’ve ever met. It’s the part of our trip where we have to pull out all the trick cards and you’re the only ace in the hole.

All the best,

Pete

Hi everyone,

It's me.  I just wanted to say hi from the toilet.  The picture above was taken in the hotel room in Santa Fe.  In every hotel room across the globe, there is a mirror located across from or adjacent to the toilet.  It allows you complete and total access to a view of yourself going to the bathroom.  I happened upon this when I was using the facilities and looked up and noticed: hey!  It's me.  That image cannot be unseen.  And yet, hotel chains around the globe insist upon this feature.  In every city, I have seen mirrors on the backs of bathroom doors, mirrors on walls across from bathrooms, and mirrors on walls parallel to the toilets.  I guess the next step is a mirror on the ceiling, or better yet, a floor mirror.  In the time it takes engineers to build that mirror, this will have to suffice.

In non-bathroom related news, a lot of people say, "Joe, you're so talented, hilarious, and prolific, is there anything you don't show?"

Good question.  For every hysterical video we've produced that has amassed over 7 views on youtube, there are countless ideas that I've saved until the time when I burn out creatively.  Here are some examples of what you didn't see:

1. Interpreter: When President Hu visited Obama last month, I wrote a skit in which I was the interpreter for both the President and Hu.  Using real clips from youtube, I would misinterpret and misrepresent each presidents' remarks until war broke out.  Hilarious.

2. Reverend Joseph Episode # 14: In a strip club, I marry a man and the stripper who gives him a lapdance.

3. I read that the King of Jordan dismissed his entire parliament to stymie protests in the wake of the Egyptian revolution.  I find this to be hilarious.  The skit involved protesters clamoring for change and the King coming down from his palace and chanting slogans with protesters saying, YOU guys need to go!"

There are others but you'll have to be patient.

Uncle Joseph

Dear Mr. Mubarak,

How have you been?  We’ve read that you’re schedule has recently opened up.  May I suggest a trip to Little Rock, AR?  Although the people of Egypt failed to recognize your long and faithful service, we here in Arkansas promise to never revolt – something like that requires our energy to be diverted from eating at Chilis and mispronouncing words, favorite activities of ours.  There are plenty of great things to do here.  For example, why not check out our porta potty conveniently located next to our traffic light?  History buff?  Well, you’ll love our wide selection of Little Rock artifacts like Bill Clinton’s running shoes and saxophone.  

Not a fan of looking at sneakers?  That’s fine.  Instead, take a tour of downtown Little Rock on our trolley that runs about as fast as evolution (if we believed in that sort of thing) -- it's so slow you’re sure to be robbed by locals at every stop.  It’s all part of our Mugging Crawl.

We hope to see you soon, Mubarak.  We’re keeping the porta potty open for you.

Best,

Little Rock, AR

p.s. Your people insist that time are changing.  Luckily, in AR, time has stopped.

   pictured above: trolley              pictured above: porta potty and weird guy