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Dear Mr. Mubarak,
How have you been? We’ve read that you’re schedule has recently opened up. May I suggest a trip to Little Rock, AR? Although the people of Egypt failed to recognize your long and faithful service, we here in Arkansas promise to never revolt – something like that requires our energy to be diverted from eating at Chilis and mispronouncing words, favorite activities of ours. There are plenty of great things to do here. For example, why not check out our porta potty conveniently located next to our traffic light? History buff? Well, you’ll love our wide selection of Little Rock artifacts like Bill Clinton’s running shoes and saxophone.
Not a fan of looking at sneakers? That’s fine. Instead, take a tour of downtown Little Rock on our trolley that runs about as fast as evolution (if we believed in that sort of thing) -- it's so slow you’re sure to be robbed by locals at every stop. It’s all part of our Mugging Crawl.
We hope to see you soon, Mubarak. We’re keeping the porta potty open for you.
Best,
Little Rock, AR
p.s. Your people insist that time are changing. Luckily, in AR, time has stopped.
pictured above: trolley pictured above: porta potty and weird guy