We arrived on schedule in Los Angeles yesterday. Pete is home. His son and wife saw him in person for the first time in three months and for a change, I was the one holding the camera. if you've ever watched a reality show like the Biggest Loser or Wife Swap, the producers film these sweeping romantic moments filled with sprints and hugs and tears -- none of which is real. The reality is that Pete's son ran to him... and then picked up a stick and started playing with it. Pete's wife (wary of cameras) gave him a hug and a reserved kiss. Then, she said, "OK," and they went inside and reconnected in subtle and private ways that the camera wasn't privy to. They were a family again. It's surprising to see how quickly real life can dwarf a project like this.
It's the beginning of the end.
It's a good thing I'm moving into their bathroom.
Why? My 3-year old son is quite wily, maybe even a bit of a shyster. He knows what he wants and knows how to manipulate any situation in order to get it. But it takes a shyster to know one and it wasn’t more than a month on the road before I came to realize how important my role is in my son's upbringing.
Being a father makes sense to me. I know that’s weird to say, but it does. And that’s why there are no words that can explain the kind of feeling you get when you finally return home after being away for so long. Getting home and seeing my son again for the first time in months was the kind of thing dreams are made of. My son was older and much smarter. So much so that it’s amazing to watch him try to manipulate me at every given opportunity. It made me proud, yet fairly alarmed. So to fatherhood I go, with the wind to my back, a smile on my face and my son on my leg.
Don’t worry - I’ve got this. Take a look…
A while back, Donald Trump put in a bid to purchase the heavily disputed location near ground zero where someone dared to build an Islamic center (replete with swimming pool). That was good news. The better news is that according to the AP, Trump is reportedly mulling over a presidential run. I, for one, think this is a capital idea and can't wait for him to fix America. I received a copy of his preliminary plans. Take a look.
1. Issue: Foreign policy
Trump Solution: Trump will deliver State of the Union addresses on set of Access Hollywood and call Gadhafi, Bin Laden, and Mubarak "total losers" and "pigs" just like Rosie O'Donnell. Then, he will tear down the UN building and move all meetings to the Trump Plaza hotel and casino. When diplomats from uncooperative countries arrive, he will "accidentally" put them in smoking rooms and downgrade them from kings to two double beds. Plus, he will charge them for porn they never ordered. When they eventually cave, Trump will call them "spineless" and take away their pool privileges.
2. Issue: Education
Trump Solution: All children's names will be placed into a raffle. The first 50 selected will be placed into charter schools and into a another raffle that could land them a jet ski. The next 70 million chosen will work the grounds at Trump Plaza in Atlantic City. The remaining 40 million will be allowed one pull at a penny slot machine and then deported.
3. Issue: Illegal Immigration
Trump Solution: Have all illegal immigrants compete for citizenship on his latest edition of The Apprentice. The winner is allowed to stay in the country and become Trump's personal assistant. Losers are told "you're fired" then placed into a taxi that takes them directly to his mansion where they will work on his landscaping.
4. Issue: National Debt
Trump Solution: Tell all government agencies and Americans to stop answering phone calls from China. Then, have the country file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Follow up with a book championing the successes of America. Foreword by Trump. Repeat as necessary.