Note: As I'm writing this in a Starbucks, the two 80-year old women seated next to me are talking about their sex lives.  It has melted my headphones.

Insidious - 0 out of 7 Golden Slacks

Synopsis (from imdb.com): A family looks to prevent evil spirits from trapping their comatose child in a realm called The Further.

Joe's take: I think it's adorable when hollywood pretends that children are lovely, wise beings who enrich our lives.  In this film a couple fights their to protect their son from evil demons.  In reality, couples fight each other to protect themselves from the less sexy evils thrown upon them by their children: obesity, rapid aging, and bankruptcy.  The film is a wish-fulfillment fantasy for every family out there.  "Hey, what if Hank didn't throw pasta sauce on the ceilng?  it was just an evil demon!"  Sorry, parents.  Your children are the evil demons.  I know.  I tell them when you're not looking.

Unexpected Scene: The "Evil" children raises money for AIDS research.  Even evil can't be bad all the time.

Cat Run - 1 out of 7 Golden Slacks

Synopsis (from imdb.com): When a sexy, high-end escort holds the key evidence to a scandalous government cover-up, two bumbling young detectives become her unlikely protectors from a ruthless assassin hired to silence her.

Joe's Take: I'm not a psychic, but I have a feeling I know how this is going to go down: escort forms tentative then strong bond with bumbling detectives.  One of the detectives falls for her, the other decides to fix his troubled marriage which may or may not involve a hilarious scene involving his father-in-law Dabney Coleman.   The government cover is exposed leading to promotions for both cops who are no longer bumbling.  Then, they all celebrate by going home to watch  the latest episode of NBC's The Cape.

Unexpected Scene: They release the government cover-up the same day as Charlie Sheen releases another rant.  No one even notices.

Source Code - 3 out of 7 Golden Slacks

Synopsis (from imdb.com): An action thriller centered on a soldier who wakes up in the body of an unknown man and discovers he's part of a mission to find the bomber of a Chicago commuter train.

Joe's Take: This movie is a cross between 12 Monkeys and my daily commute.  Basically, Gyllenhal's character is sent back in time as someone else to experience the last 7 minutes of a train ride before it explodes.  While he is on the train, he has to figure out who the bomber is as well as flirt with a beautiful girl.  This is slightly different from my daily commute where I have to figure out who is playing Rebecca Black's Friday on their boom box (so I can kick them in the ribs) and endure endless crotch pokes from random children. The movie is the kind of science fiction I enjoy: it doesn't involve giant intergalactic spiders, endless explosions or William Shatner. 

Unexpected Scene: On one of his trips back, Gyllenhal uses the entire 8 minutes to download the trailer for the upcoming hilarious reboot of Arthur starring Russell Brand.