pictured above: douchebag

Dear Barnes and Noble Community Relations Manager, Katie Schuster:

Congratulations!  You have been nominated for Conan or Bust's Douche of the Month (for January).  Each month, I compile a list of the people who have made my life more difficult for no discernible reason.  Previous nominees include Dr. Laurence Fuchs, the doctor who diagnosed me with "sniffles" after placing the stethoscope onto my shirt even though it was in a chair across the room at the time;  Stan, the customer service operator at Sears who repeatedly called me Mr. Caterpillar while refusing to process my return order for a projector screen with reasoning that inspired incredulity, if not madness; and the entire city of Cleveland -- a place where the toothless seek refuge.

Katie, you came to my attention during a phone conversation that was brief yet informative.  I found out three things almost instantly: 1) I could not perform at your Chicago B & N 2) according to corporate policy, I would not be allowed to perform at ANY Barnes and Noble, despite the fact that I had already successfully booked 3 of them in different parts of the country 3) you are a douche.

The next day,  I received template rejection letters from the Barnes and Noble reps who had booked me.  When I called to follow-up, I was told to stop contacting the company -- my project violated their corporate policy.

By alerting corporate headquarters to my project in an effort to shut it down, you, Katie have earned your nomination for Douche of the Month. 

Winners will be announced on Feb 15.  Winners will be featured prominently on the site and will receive a Douche of the Month T-Shirt, magnets, and a special visit from our intern Torio who will kick you in the ribs.

Best,

Joe Piccirillo