We're 17 days into the trip and I've already received a stream of criticism.  According to Conan or Bust followers (comprising creditors and telemarketers) I am emotionally unavailable, inscrutable, and downright cold.  Apparently, people want to know about the real me and my take on the trip. Fine.

Well, let me dispel a few myths for you upfront.

Myth # 1:  "Must be nice!  Leaving everything to hang out in differnt cities drinking, hitting on girls, and telling jokes."

Fact: Let me paint a picture: right now I’m sleeping on couch cushions in the middle of a kitchen floor.  Many things occur to a person when he finds himself at the age of 32 waking up in the middle of the night clinging to the oven drawer that holds pots and pans.  Those things include but are not limited to the following: How did I end up here?  I wonder who will accidentally step on my face first?  At what point will the dog go to the bathroom on me?

Luckily, I don’t have time to worry about such trivial matters as my mind is focused solely on the couch cushions that continually separate about every 30 seconds creating a sort of trap door for my stomach.

Myth # 2:  "You guys are having so much fun entertaining me, I don't need to be a FB fan of the site."

Fact: If you're not a fan of the site, I can't spam you with information for you to instantly delete or ask to allow me to crash on your kitchen floor.  Remember when I signed up for your boring fb groups or went to your dad's funeral?  It's payback time.

Myth # 3: "You must meet all sorts of interesting characters on the road!"

Fact: Nope.  Except for this guy.  He's a dire warning for us all. This is the face of Bristol, PA.  I put it on a T-Shirt and tried to sell it at the Bristol show.  I sold them all.

Myth # 4: "Why do you always have skits where a minority gets shafted?  Why are you an awful person?!"

Fact: Stop projecting.  I am king of the minorities.  After I write the sketches, we post ads on craigslist for actors.  The only people who show up happen to be minorities.  And we all have a great time.  Or at least that's what I force them to say.

Breaking news update: It was a contractor performing work on the house that stepped on my face.  He later apologized, which was nice, but to be fair I'm not sure what etiquette dictates when it comes to finding someone sleeping on a kitchen floor, who happens to be a houseguest and not a vagrant.  I've already sent in a query to Martha Stewart Living. I'll keep you updated.