A few years ago, ABC produced a TV pilot called Cavemen, which was based on characters made famous by the Geico ads. The show was cancelled and our collective dignity was restored. Unfortunately, the networks are giving ad-based sitcoms another shot. Take a look at the media kits we received from TV studios and cry.
# 1. Kool-Aid Pitcher in Legally Depressed
Premise: Kool-Aid Man plays a former award-winning psychiatrist and best-selling author who is stripped of his license after getting busted writing Zoloft prescriptions for uninsured prostitutes. Now forced to work in a fast food restaurant and live in an apartment complex with his bi-polar cousin (Alfonso Ribiero), he distributes medicine to the people the only way he knows how: he fills himself up with prozac and breaks through walls of schools, aquariums, and walk-in freezers to distribute his "medicine." But, who will break through his emotional "walls?" Also starring: Mira Sorvino as his "street girl" love interest.
# 2. Maytag Repairman in Late-Term Burrito
Premise: Maytag products work so well, the Maytag Repairman (Gordon Jump) has a lot of free time on his hands. That's why he runs one of L.A.'s most popular abortion clinics. Problem is, the landlord (Norman Fell) is ultra-conservative and would never rent the place out for such "activities." Luckily, they've convinced him the place is actually a profitable taco restaurant called "Caliente!" The doctors wear sombreros and a Mariachi band plays while abortions are performed in the back. All customers have to ask for is the # 6. Will the landlord find out they sell more than burritos? Will love bloom between the Maytag man and his nosy neighbor (Edie McClurg)? Tune in for the complex issues, stay for the hilarity!
Premise: McGruff joins the cast of the long-running hit series, replacing Ice-T's character. When the crime lab is burned down mysteriously, it brings all of the active sex crime investigations to a stand-still. That is, until McGruff takes over. With a keen sense of smell and taste, McGruff uses semen samples found at crime scenes to track down suspects and perform rape kits on victims. Now, sex crimes are down 89%, but some people are starting to question whether the crime lab was burned down accidentally or by someone with a motive... maybe even a semen-sniffing dog.
Premise: When Nancy McKean (Jo from Facts of Life) dies, three of her former lovers (Snap, Crackle, and Pop) show up at the funeral to discover she has a daughter, Lizzy... but which one of them is her father? After the judge (Ed Asner) gives joint custody to Snap, Crackle, and Pop, a DNA test proves that none of them is the father. They intend to tell her the truth on a road trip to Vegas, but accidentally lose her in a high-stakes poker game and spend the rest of the series trying to raise enough money to win her back by opening a brothel called Lizzys that caters specifically to the cast of House of Payne.
# 5. Cap'N Crunch in Cap'N Death
Premise: Each week, the "captain" invites an unsuspecting group of tourists, field trip students, and college coeds on his ship for a "three-hour tour." We spend the hour getting to know the passengers and their stories, before Cap'N Crunch robs them and strands them on a desert island with nothing to eat but Cap'N Crunch and the Harlem Globetrotters.