Monologue Jokes -- 8/31/13

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A Canadian journalist shocked a local politician when she bared her breasts during an interview. It turns out she was just responding to his question: “What can we do to stimulate the economy?”

A Canadian journalist shocked a local politician when she bared her breasts during an interview. In response Anthony Weiner said, "This is exactly why I got into politics."

A Canadian journalist shocked a local politician when she bared her breasts during an interview. In a related story, Sofia Vergara has been given full scholarships to every journalism school in Canada.

A Canadian journalist shocked a local politician when she bared her breasts during an interview. Geraldo immediately filed a lawsuit saying she stole the idea from him.

According to reports, a plastic surgeon in Los Angeles sculpted and then married what he calls the “perfect woman.” Apparently, her mouth was replaced with four breasts.

According to reports, a plastic surgeon in Los Angeles sculpted and then married what he calls the “perfect woman.” She has blond hair, brown eyes, and no mouth.

Over the weekend, quarterback Tim Tebow was cut from the New England Patriots in a move some say could signal the death of his professional career. In response, Tebow said that he would surprise the doubters and come back strong on Sunday.

Over the weekend, Sarah Palin commented on the situation in Syria saying, “Until we have a commander in chief who knows what they’re doing, let Allah sort it out.” In response, Obama said, “Thank God someone knows what to do.”

Over the weekend, Sarah Palin posted a facebook message in which she argued that the situation in Syria could be fixed by letting “Allah sort it out.” If that didn’t work, she suggested bombing them with Angry Birds.

It’s been reported that women are selling positive pregnancy tests on craigslist, which are being used to trap boyfriends. Investigators say all of the purchases were made by Taylor Swift.