Monologue Jokes -- 8/30/13

  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/content/14/14034314/html/modules/views/views.module on line 879.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter::options_validate() should be compatible with views_handler::options_validate($form, &$form_state) in /home/content/14/14034314/html/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter.inc on line 589.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter::options_submit() should be compatible with views_handler::options_submit($form, &$form_state) in /home/content/14/14034314/html/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter.inc on line 589.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter_boolean_operator::value_validate() should be compatible with views_handler_filter::value_validate($form, &$form_state) in /home/content/14/14034314/html/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter_boolean_operator.inc on line 149.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_row::options_validate() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_validate(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/content/14/14034314/html/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_row.inc on line 135.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_row::options_submit() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_submit(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/content/14/14034314/html/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_row.inc on line 135.

It’s been reported that bottles of aspirin will now have a label that reads: “Always read label,” which has caused confusion for consumers who think the label and the warning are the same. A spokesman for Ikea said, “Thank you for taking the heat off us.”

The author of a new book about entrepreneurs says that lack of support from your spouse can kill any new business venture, which explains why www.mytrustingcuckoldedhusband.com never got off the ground.

Gratafy is a new app that lets friends who own smartphones and share facebook access buy each other drinks and dinner remotely. The app has one designed flaw: at least one of your friends has to leave his parent’s basement to use it.

Gratafy is a new app that lets friends who own smartphones and share facebook access buy each other drinks and dinner remotely. The company is calling it "the best way to avoid violating a restraining order."

Paul McCartney was in New York to promote his new single, which was released today. Now instead of screaming "AHHH," teenage girls scream “awww.”

The Treasury Department announced that legally married same-sex couples will be treated as married for federal tax purposes. This marks the first time people have ever been excited about taxes.