The economy keeps getting worse. According to CNN.com, companies like Texas Instruments and Home Depot laid off a combined 10,400 employees citing "weak demand and a slowing economy."
Other companies, however, are being more forthright about their failures. We've received these refreshing news briefs from company spokesmen.
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# 1.
Company: Sprint Nextel Corp.
Layoffs: 8,000
Reason:
Frank S. Billium, Sales Rep.
1596 Winfield Lane, Dayton, OH.
Why? Called out sick on October 30, 2008. Led to massive decrease in consumer demand.
# 2.
Company: Pfizer
Layoffs: 26,000
Reason:
Mary Goland, Vice President, Research & Development.
12 martinsville Dr. New York, NY.
Why? Sent mass emails to company about upcoming charity bake sales which distracted employees and lowered productivity.
# 3.
Company: Caterpillar
Layoffs: 20,000
Reason:
Chuck Higham, office manager.
76 Highland Ave.
Sacramento, CA.
Why? Consistently "doubled up" on coffee cups. Led to massive budget overruns.
# 4.
Company: Dutch Financial Group, ING
Layoffs: 7,000
Reason:
Margaret Smith, Temp.
968 Market Ave, apt # 57.
Winthrop, MA.
Why? Had a bad attitude. Consequently, company lost its heart.