Source of the Recession

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The economy keeps getting worse.  According to, companies like Texas Instruments and Home Depot laid off a combined 10,400 employees citing "weak demand and a slowing economy." 

Other companies, however, are being more forthright about their failures.  We've received these refreshing news briefs from company spokesmen.  

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# 1.

: Sprint Nextel Corp.

: 8,000

Frank S. Billium, Sales Rep.  
1596 Winfield Lane, Dayton, OH.  

Called out sick on October 30, 2008.  Led to massive decrease in consumer demand.

# 2.

: Pfizer

Layoffs: 26,000

Mary Goland, Vice President, Research & Development. 
12 martinsville Dr. New York, NY.  

Why?  Sent mass emails to company about upcoming charity bake sales which distracted employees and lowered productivity.

# 3. 

: Caterpillar

Layoffs: 20,000

Chuck Higham, office manager.  
76 Highland Ave.  
Sacramento, CA.  

Why?  Consistently "doubled up" on coffee cups.  Led to massive budget overruns.

# 4.

Company:  Dutch Financial Group, ING

Layoffs: 7,000

Margaret Smith, Temp.  
968 Market Ave, apt # 57.  
Winthrop, MA.  

Why? Had a bad attitude.  Consequently, company lost its heart.