Rejected New Car Features

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Here's the bad news: According to an article on, for the first time ever, overseas car makers have captured a majority of U.S. sales. Here's the good news: American automakers are fighting back. We have managed to get a sneak peak at the latest offerings from America's finest carmakers, which will be available sometime in 2011. Go America!

# 1.

Name: Chrysler Maximus
Special Features:
1. Fish tank in front windshield.
2. Rear seats replaced with bar stools.
3. Special "smart car" technology that automatically plays Wipe Out when you run over pedestrians.

# 2.

Name: Dodge Firefox
Special Features:

1. Navigation system operated by "Carl," a computer that only takes you to local gay hot spots.
2. Comes with Full House's Dave Coulier who will "help you carry the groceries." (Standard)
3. Intermittent headlights.

# 3.

Name: Ford Thunder
Special Features:

1. Trunk air bags for kidnap victims.
2. Glove compartment replaced with fireplace.
3. Functioning gas pedals in the backseat for the kids.

# 4.

Name: Pontiac Firestarter
Special Features:
1. Horn is the sound of Tony Blair making "ahem" sounds.
2. Indoor sprinkler system set to go off whenever temperature reaches 75 degrees.
3. 15th anniversary Speed promotional tie-in.  Car will explode if it goes below 55 MPH.

# 5.

Name: Chevrolet Willow
Special Features:
1. Sun Roof and "Gravel" floor.
2. Navigation system operated by "Gary," a 75-year old Alzheimer's patient who has to constantly ask where you're headed.
3. When you open the glove compartment, voice of Alex Trebek says, "Ooh. That feels nice."

# 6.

Name: Saturn Eclipse
Special Features:
1. Radio stations only play audio transcripts of Boy Meets World episodes.

2. Shot glass holders.

3. Spare drifter who sits in the passenger seat when you're in the carpool lane.

4. Air conditioner replaced with a pre-recorded speech by James Blunt about global warming.