Kids Ruin Interviews

I went to visit my friend Greg, a first grade teacher at Winship Elementary in Burbank. I spent some time with Greg's students and tossed a few softball questions to them; I was surpried by their ignorance.


Conan: Animal Farm is an allegory of what?
Ben Johnston: What's an allegory?
Conan: It's a symbolic representation, in this case, it's in narrative form.
Ben Johnston: I'm feeling lightheaded. Have you seen my insulin?
Conan: Wrong. It's Soviet Totalitarianism.


: Who played Joe Cleaver from 1978's Cops and Robins?
Esther Dalston: I can't concentrate when you put me in a headlock. Can you please let me go?
Conan: Nope. Ernest Borginine.


Marcus Wellington
: I made a picture for you (holds up a picture of what looks like a flying, flaming toilet bowl) It's a space ship!
: Why is the door open?
Marcus Wellington
: So the astronauts can wave to us.
: Space is a total vacuum. The astronauts would be sucked out of the shuttle and without helmets their heads would explode. You just killed everyone with your flying toilet bowl.
Marcus Wellington
: Oh. (cries.)


: (pointing to diagram of the female body) Please point to the vulva.
Margot Markinson: (points to her elbow.)
Conan: That's right.