Kids Ruin Historical Figures

We've saddled some of history's greatest minds with children from your favorite family movies. Put your kid in the dryer and read this list quickly before it's too late:

# 1.



Name: Mozart
Bio: Prolific composer whose works are acknowledged as masterful achievements of symphonic, chamber, piano, operatic, and choral music.
Highlight: Figaro lauded by Prague critics and audiences.
Quote: "Meine Prager verstehen mich" (My Praguers understand me)



Name: Mozart with ... Abigail Breslin from No Reservations
New Bio: Gave up music to pursue a lucrative career in cabinet-making.
New Highlight: Received a "World's Best Father" plaque made of macaroni
New Quote: "This is a well-designed cabinet that can accommodate many foodstuffs."

#2.



Name: Thomas Jefferson
Bio: Third President of the United States, the principal author of the Declaration of Independence (1776), and one of the Founding Fathers.
Highlight: Lewis and Clark Expedition, Louisiana Purchase.
Quote: "Man once surrendering his reason, has no remaining guard against absurdities the most monstrous, and like a ship without rudder, is the sport of every wind."



Name: Thomas Jefferson with... Curly Sue from Curly Sue
New Bio: Gave up politics to knit slacks for the Continental Congress
New Highlight: On his deathbed, Jefferson wonders whether he made the right decision retiring from politics and letting Ben Franklin start a theocracy. Curly Sue tells him a story about a butterfly. Jefferson smiles, hugs her, and dies happily. America survives for two more weeks.
New Quote: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: your slacks will be ready by Thursday, Mr. Adams."

# 3.



Name: Louis Pasteur
Bio: French chemist best known for inventing the process known as pasteurization. He is regarded as one of the four main founders of microbiology.
Highlight: Won the Leeuwenhoek medal, microbiology's highest honor, in 1895.
Quote: "I have the faith of a Breton peasant, and by the time I die I hope to have the faith of a Breton peasant's wife."



Name: Louis Pasteur with ...the kid from Jerry Maguire
Bio: Gave up microbiology to become a blacksmith.
Highlight: Once made a horseshoe that looked like a moon. Was once moments away from discovering the process of pasteurization when an unexpected tickle fight broke out.
New Quote # 1: "I did not know that bees and dogs can smell fear, but I do know that I love noogies!"

# 4.




Name: Jonas Salk
Bio: An American physician and researcher best known for the development of the first successful polio vaccine.
Highlight: Probably the polio vaccine.
Quote: "Who owns my polio vaccine? The people! Could you patent the sun?"



Name: Jonas Salk with... Balki from Perfect Strangers
New Bio: Gave up on virology to work as a janitor with his slow cousin from Mypos.
New Highlight: Misunderstandings involving his cousin and their girlfriends, which ultimately proved that friendship was more important than any "vaccine.
New Quote: "If it weren't for the crippling polio, I would love to do the 'Dance of Joy' with you."