Gabourey Sidibe (Precious) Recast in Classic Hollywood Films

  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/mjid3fbcfbud/public_html/modules/views/views.module on line 879.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter::options_validate() should be compatible with views_handler::options_validate($form, &$form_state) in /home/mjid3fbcfbud/public_html/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter.inc on line 0.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter::options_submit() should be compatible with views_handler::options_submit($form, &$form_state) in /home/mjid3fbcfbud/public_html/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter.inc on line 0.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter_boolean_operator::value_validate() should be compatible with views_handler_filter::value_validate($form, &$form_state) in /home/mjid3fbcfbud/public_html/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter_boolean_operator.inc on line 0.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_row::options_validate() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_validate(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/mjid3fbcfbud/public_html/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_row.inc on line 0.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_row::options_submit() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_submit(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/mjid3fbcfbud/public_html/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_row.inc on line 0.
 The critically lauded film Precious has introduced to the world Gabourey Sidibe, the actress who portrayed the character in the title role. In spite or perhaps because of the comments made about Sidibe's future career in Hollywood  (i.e., she will be relegated to "fat" roles like the funny friend) casting directors and agents have insisted that Sidibe has enough talent to be cast in leading roles.

Studio execs agree.  In fact, they've already green-lighted reboots of classic Hollywood films with Sidibe in the lead role.  Notice the change to the tone and running time.


# 1. American Pie



Role: Natalia (formerly played by Shannon Elizabeth)

Original Memorable Scene: Jim (Biggs) inserts his genitalia into an apple pie to simulate sex

New Memorable Scene: Natalia (Sidibe) eats the apple pie, then Jim (Biggs).



#2. Sleepless in Seattle



Role: Annie (formerly played by Meg Ryan)

Original Category: Romantic Comedy

New Genre: Horror Film

Old memorable Scene: While listening to a radio call-in show, Annie (Meg Ryan) falls in love with a caller after they say the word
"magic" simultaneously.

New Memorable Scene: While listening to a radio call-in show, Annie (Sidibe) falls in love with Snickers bars after she and the announcer from the Snickers commercial say "Nougettaboutit" simultaneously.

New Ending: Hanks spots Sidibe atop the Empire State Building and says, "It's you.  The woman who's been stalking me!"  Then, police arrive and shoot her dead.


#4. Lara Croft Tomb Raider



Role: Lara Croft (formerly played by Angelina Jolie)

Original Opening Sequence: Croft (Jolie) races through an intense obstacle course. 

New Opening Sequence: Croft (Sidibe) is rushed to the emergency room after suffering complications from diabetes.



#5. Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom



Role: Boulder that almost runs over Indian Jones


#6. Cast Away




Role: Chuck Noland (formerly played by Tom Hanks)

Original running time: 2 hours, 45 minutes

New Running Time: 5 minutes

Old Plot: After a plane crash on a deserted island, Chuck Noland (Hanks) must learn to live off the land

New plot: Opening credits.  Noland (Sidibe) enters the airport and is turned away because she is too fat to fly.  End Credits.