(Low Self-Esteem Jesus enters. He looks forlorn.)
Jesus: Hey guys (his head is down).
Conan: What's wrong, Jesus?
Jesus: Nothing. Some kid stole my scriptures. I deserved it.
Conan: Oh Jesus, you need to have more confidence.
Jesus: You're right, Conan.
Conan: But I see you with Mary Magdalene all the time. Anything going on?
Jesus: No, she's put me in the friend zone.
Conan: Why don't you try being more of a challenge?
Jesus: Well, she knows I'm going to die for her sins -- it kind of wipes out challenge.
Conan: Yeah. Well, it sounds like you could use a makeover. Get some good clothes, a decent haircut and soon girls will see the real you. We're sending you to a salon.
Later in the show:
Conan: And now to introduce the new and improved Jesus!
(Jesus enters. His hair is trimmed. He's wearing designer clothes and he is beaming with confidence. Mary Magdalene enters.)
Conan: Mary, what do you think of Jesus now? He's King of the Jews!
(Mary runs to a stagehand wearing a leather jacket and makes out with him. Jesus is dejected.)
Conan: I'm sorry, Jesus.
Jesus: Hey, that's the guy who stole my scriptures!
(jesus runs away crying.)