In a speech to the FDA today, nutritionist Sarah Nettle said that the public is "demonstrably confused about what to eat."
She asserts that manufacturers' labels with positive claims such as "good source of fiber" on items that are not entirely healthy lead to confusion, overeating, and eventually obesity.
Based on her recommendations, the FDA will devote untold hours and tax dollars to create consistent labels based on an established criteria "which consumers are going to find most useful and that's actually going to give them accurate information."
We completely agree with this course of action. But rather than waste time and energy that could be better spent on military robots, we've asked our resident problem-solver Earl to take a crack at it.
(Earl enters stage)
Conan: Hi Earl.
Conan: So you've solved this problem pretty quickly, huh?
Earl: Yep. It's simple. Consuming a product with this symbol imprinted on the package will make you fat:
Conan: Ah, that's terrible.
Earl: Problem Solved.