Behind the Scenes by Pete Jackson

Have you ever seen the movie The Blues Brothers? There is a point in that movie where ex-cons Jay and Elwood Blues finally get the band back together and one of the first gigs they book is at a small-town country/western bar. Let’s be clear: this band sings the blues and they booked one of their first performances at a country/western bar. Upon arrival, the band walks up to a stage where there is a barrier of chicken wire that separates the performers from the audience. (That chicken wire prevents tossed beer bottles from striking the performers when the crowd is displeased.)  This was the very first thought that raced through my mind the minute we walked into our comedy venue in rural New Jersey the other night.

Originally we hadn’t planned on booking any shows while we were in Jersey, but when some local press asked where we were going to be performing, we needed an answer.

Enter: The Landslide Saloon.

In the midst of rushing out of NY, we booked a show at what we later discovered was one of the proudest country/western bars in northwestern New Jersey. To top it off, we would be the only act for the night. Let’s be clear, Joe & I would have to put together our own hour-long comedy show and perform it to length in front of a country/western audience. Up until now, Joe had been performing shorter sets in comedy clubs with a pre-booked list of comedians and I was simply filming it.

The problems:

1.)  I have never performed comedy.

2.)  We needed at least one stand-up comic to warm up the crowd before Joe’s performance.

3.)  Joe needed to tailor his 45-minute ppt act for a country/western bar crowd.

4.)  The thought of the crowd throwing beer bottles at us.

The solutions:

1.)  I would host the show and get the audience started with some mild banter.

2.)  Our intern Torio would be the opening comic and warm the crowd up [In his job interview Torio briefly mentioned that he had performed stand-up a few years earlier. That’s right, we actually listened during your job interview, Torio.]

3.)  Joe would turn his act into a blend of stand-up and powerpoint in an effort to keep the crowd involved.

4.)  ???

How did it go, you ask? Just like Jay and Elwood, we figured it out…

Special thanks to the Landslide Saloon and their patrons for making “Conan Or Bust” an absolute success.

The Goodbye video for Newark, NJ by Pete Jackson

Movie Reviews by Joe Piccirillo

Season of the Witch -- 1 out of 7 Golden Slacks

Synopsis(from IMDB.com): Crusader Behmen (Cage) and his comrade-in-arms Felson (Perlman) return from years of battle to find their homeland decimated by the Plague. To appease members of the church, the duo agree to transport an accused witch (Foy) to a remote abbey, where monks hope that a ritual will end the pestilence.

Joe's Take:  This movie is amazing; it contains nothing people want to watch.  It has plague, witches, and Nicholas Cage.  The only way it could be worse is if it featured a cameo by the cast of Little Fockers.  Here's the breakdown: The guys fight over the love of the witch (who is not so evil after all!).  Then, they make up and realize that the plague is probably more important than love.  Then, they all go see James Brooks' laughfest How Do You Know?  End credits.

Unexpected Scene: In order to attract more viewers, two minutes into the film, Cage's character has a vision of the future -- it's the movie Avatar, which is then shown in its entirety.

Yogi Bear -- -19990 out of 7 Golden Slacks

Synopsis (from IMDB.com): A documentary filmmaker (Faris) travels to Jellystone Park to shoot a project and soon crosses paths with Yogi Bear (voice of Aykroyd) and his sidekick Boo-Boo (voice of Timberlake).

Joe's Take: People talk of the future with hope in their voice, thoughts, and heart.  A time when they will be happier, fitter, better educated or better adjusted.  No one, however, has ever grabbed their loved one during a sleepless night, looked deep into their eyes and confessed that they wanted a future in which animated bears crack wise about farts.  Except for my Dad.  This is the movie I want to play in a loop at my funeral/execution so that observers and waitresses will wish they could trade places with me.

Unexpected Scene: A family tries to take a photo with Yogi, and the flash from the camera sends him into a rage.  He mauls the family and is shot dead.  Boo Boo gets caught in a bear trap and has to gnaw his own foot off to survive.  Plus, a new song When You Steal My Picnic Basket, You Steal My Heart by Justin Bieber!

Hello.  Did you have a nice day?  Oh, that's great.  Here's the thing, though.  While Pete, Torio (our intern) and I were running around NYC filming videos, bribing hotdog vendors, and avoiding the Spiderman musical for your benefit, you apparently were watching youtube videos about a homeless guy who landed his dream job in radio.  uh-hm. Let's focus on the task at hand, America.

Thanks,

Joe

(Your article is below.)

Most experts agree that parenting is a full-time job. Unfortunately, it has become apparent that people are taking the same half-hearted approach to parenting that they do at their day jobs at Chilis. But how can one really be sure?

Luckily, CNN has compiled a list of "white lies" that parents tell their children. Take a look at a few examples from real people.

White Lie told by Rebecca Schorr: "I pretend fortune-cookie fortunes say things like "Your bedtime tonight will be 15 minutes earlier."

White Lie told by Henry Corbett: "When I'm getting ready in the bathroom and the kids start banging on the door, I pretend that it's stuck when I really have it locked."

Luckily, I've arranged for key people in these parents' lives to tell them with "white lies." Let's see if they think the lies are just as harmless.

White Lie told TO Christine Stevens: "I tell my wife Christine that I still find her attractive even though I am repulsed by her." - Mark Stevens, Christine's Husband

White Lie told TO Rebecca Schorr: "I told my wife not to get a haircut because I love it when her hair is longer instead of telling her that I lost our savings at the dog track." Ed Schurr, Rebecca's Husband

White Lie told TO Henry Corbett: "I recently told Henry that his cancer isn't terminal because I had dinner plans later that evening and didn't want to deal with all of that drama." -- Dr. Paul McKinley, Mayo Clinic